:: Wednesday, April 24, 2002 ::

lalalalalalalala........Oh yeah........I'm still here.........whatever........
:: Styk 9:42 PM [+] ::
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More things to do. So much to do. Got to get to it.


:: < Tortured > 9:22 PM [+] ::
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I slept all day today. I didn’t do any of the things I have really needed to do. I know my eyes opened and I found myself alone again. It’s strange that I find that it doesn’t matter what I really think or feel about something. The perceptions of what I must thing and feel are apparently more important. It comes down to this: If I say something that is taken the wrong way, specifically a way that I do not think or feel, I can clarify what it was that I intended to say forever, but I will suffer the reactions and repercussions of the misunderstanding. I can say “That’s not what I meant by that” all I want, and it doesn’t matter. Everyone else will continue as though I did intend to say the misinterpretation. How do I get around that? Apparently I can’t. Apparently I don’t get to. I sometimes wonder if that just applies to me, or to everyone. I suppose that’s just the way of the world.


:: < Tortured > 8:52 PM [+] ::
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Dead. Another day. Deep in your night. I didn’t make it, I didn’t break it. Staring at nothing, finding nothing, feeling like nothing. Call, then listen. Shout, and feel the impact. Dead. Another day. Tense is frustration, word is futility. Don’t answer. Don’t respond. I know my place, a hole in the earth. Wait for the sun to go down. Dead. Another day. Breathe and taste spite in the air, thick with hate. It’s not mine, stand aside, it might go away this time. Dead. Another day. The moon seems hollow. The world is cold. It’s raining again, feel it on my cheek. Taste it on my tongue. Like salt, like blood. Slip away, drift in silence. Float quietly. Looking at beauty, soft word, soft hand, no longer a fist. Dead. Another day. Thinking, in so much pain, but fades away, dull, numb, smiles. Familiar again. Nod, smile, step in circles. Lay on the ground, watching the sky. So everywhere and everything. Dead. Another day. Dead.


:: < Tortured > 11:14 PM [+] ::
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Life as you know it is fucked. You made it this way. Those who existed before you made it this way. It keeps getting worse. Does there ever come a point in one's life that they don't have to answer to anyone else? There is no such thing as a free lunch. There is no such thing as freedom. Work for the machine or die. Live for the machine or die. You think you're safe, but you're wrong. There are no winning sides. There are no winners. We all lose. From the moment we first draw breath to the moment we die, is one never ending compromise. Life is constant expectation. Don't set goals because you won't achieve them. Don't dream, because you will not fulfill them. Don't speak because you'll piss us off. Don't breath because it's not your air. The meaning of life is encapsulated in a single phrase: "Just Don't".


:: < Tortured > 8:00 PM [+] ::
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