The “Anniversary”…

I was going to post something yesterday but I just couldn’t do it. It hit me harder than I expected and I suppose I was in a weird mood all day to a degree. I didn’t mean to be. Some days the whole thing seems like it just happened all over again. Yesterday was one of those days. Some days it seems like a lifetime ago. I’m not going to be too personal here because my memories are mine and I don’t feel like sharing them. No offense. I could share cute whimsical things about Jeff but I won’t. I do. I just won’t here. I could share more intimate personal things between Jeff and I. I won’t here and I do…sometimes. This won’t be one of those times.

I’ll keep it simple. Yesterday I felt like I did exactly one year ago. I loved him and I miss him more than ever.

If you think he was one of those unique people you meet in your life that you’ll always remember. One of those people that “left their mark”. One of those people that hated or loved was always a topic of discussion. One of the most complicated and misunderstood people you’ve ever met. An individual that just simply drew people in. A person chocked full of personality and idiosyncrasies. Then you would be right and that’s just the beginning.

If you knew him and were close to him I have no doubt you already consider yourself lucky to have known him. If you weren’t, you missed out on an extrodinary person touching your life, but I suspect even if it was a brief moment in time you knew him or met him…you will most likely never forget him.

For me it’s drawing closer to the time when I can take what has been given to me. The lessons, time together, friendship and the impact he left on me and roll it over into something I can look back on in my life and say ” I did that”. I have already taken steps to improve my life but I’m not so sure I have left my unique impact on those around me. Perhaps I have just in different ways. All I know is I am restless and not for some obvious reasons. Now that things have settled and new paths are taken, it’s time to resurface and raise some hell I think. It’s time to take life by the horns and ride. Just fucking ride. Hopefully stay on long enough and do something worthwhile in the process. Sorry for the “rodeo” analogy it seemed to fit. Never the less I haven’t done my one “great” thing in my opinion. Some would say I have or at least some smaller “good” things. I just don’t want to look back on my life and say I should have done this or that. Regret is an instant killer. Ask my father. To some degree I feel I have a new lease on life. I plan on doing something about it.The death of my best friend had something to do with that.

Now go do something with yours…

Styk