K…so my voice was raw as hell tonight. Why is it that 2-3 days before a show I feel like I’m getting a cold. I swear it’s everytime. It’s not like it’s stress. The weather has been typical St.Louis screwy weather. Cold…then hot…then cold. I swear I never had so many colds and sinus problems until I moved from out West. Anyway…I’ll live. It’s more fun to play a show with crap draining from my sinus’s…bleh.

I seem to have lost track of what the hell is going on in everyone’s life around me…or that I care about anyway. Feeling a bit lost.

Kathi & Nyssa are still at the StaticX show. Not our thing but you do these things for your kids. I mean I guess it’s ok music. Of course Pop’s is nothing to write home about. Well in my opinion…never did like the atmosphere at that club. Perhaps it’s changed since I last went.

It’s raining like mad…

You know I have a million things I could write about…mostly personal schtuff. But…but…I don’t know. I keep it in and it doesn’t help. I let it out, it doesn’t help. What’s the difference. It would only come off as bitching and whining about things I can do very little about anyway.

I need a vacation.

I need money.

I need something to happen.

I need a warm smile.

I need to make a difference.

I need to survive.

I need hope.

I need love.

I need a break.

*sigh –

On October 31st way back when , my Grandparents got married on Halloween.

On November 1st a few years back, that same Grandmother died in her sleep. I like to think she was dreaming of her husband, my Grandfather who passed some years before her, on her Anniversary. They had that kind of bond.

On November 2nd a few years ago my Father died. He died bitter, lonely, and with much regret. I had only seen him once in the 10 years before. That’s the Father I choose not to remember this time of year. Although it serves a purpose to do so. It reminds me he was a great man that took the wrong path in life and gave up on himself. He lost all hope. So in that sense I have to think of him, the way he was in the end. I do wish the “old” him was here right now though. I could use some of his strength and humor right about now. You know I’m not much for Cemetaries except they look creepy and cool. I should say burial in general. It’s a waste of land. But damned if I don’t want to get in my car and drive 15 hours to Colorado and sit by his grave. I know we don’t need that to have memories. I just occasionally want to do that…and can’t of course.

As one could imagine it’s a happysad time of year for me. I LOVE Halloween. At any rate…just thinking of a few people tonight…those gone and those I still have in my life.

Later.